Do you know exactly what your problem is?

Hauntingly self-conscious, a poem written by Valerie Anireto.

some things sprout from within
you.
they gather in your bones. they hide in flesh where knives can't reach.

I do not remember crawling into this earth, all limbs & a tiny head, tasting rage like I knew my own name.

I remember school. memories of my dad
dissolved into sparse paychecks,
“all he could give.”
Jessica belly-laughing at a miss-matched patterned fabric on my worn out uniform.

there’s a shift.
something that happens when you’re spat with; point-blank:

you're too dark for me to like
you
( & fat )
straight-faced.
you think: love must be deserved.
I want to be deserving. why can't i be deserving?
all in that order. you look into the mirror & see blobs of fat. you're fat and weird and you're failing
school.

it’s threading tattoos on your skin, this want.

Saturday nights are for pool parties. the bass thrums in your ears. it doesn't thrum so much when Erin calls you the n-word, laughing, beer in hand, a joke. there's a blur of fists. yelling. you had pushed her into the pool.

Erin can’t swim.

I do not remember crawling into this earth, dark coils turned away from the sun, tasting rage like
I knew my own name.

but like salt & the sea, I have to carry it with me.

- Valerie Anireto

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